Confessions of a Doula: What Your Birth Taught Me

Confessions of a Doula: What Your Birth Taught Me

The word ‘doula’ originates from Greek and signifies ‘mothering the mother’, making it a fitting job description.

As a doula, I am not medically trained like a midwife, nor do I possess the expertise to deliver a baby.  However, I offer invaluable support throughout the journey of a pregnant woman.  My role involves providing various forms of assistance and working alongside her to cultivate a positive and memorable birth experience.

I believe that it is under pressure that you see what a person is made of.  It can certainly expose your worst, but as a doula, the goal is to bring out the very best from within you.

Doula: Something I Learned From Your Birth

  • Some mums want a cast of thousands

I was present at a birth where the husband, mother, father, sister, two best friends, and I were all invited to join the entire medical team at a mother’s first birth.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a party, but there was no good time being had at this one.

I knew enough to understand that for this extravaganza to have any chance of success, each person needed to have a specific role. So, each was assigned a helpful task to assist the mother. Unfortunately, the mother’s parents were super emotional from the onset, and they very quickly lost track of theirs.

As the birth mother’s contractions intensified, her emotionally charged mother became hysterical. Thankfully, the mother saw it best for friends and family to leave so she could get back on task.

  • Some couples choose to have their other children attend the birth

While sceptical at first, family-involved births have proven powerful. Not for all, but if you’re the salt-of-the-earth type, it might suit your family.  Be prepared for chaos and ensure your child is fully educated beforehand.

This is memory-making material!  Not many kids can claim they watched their kid brother enter the world.

  • Some women poop during labour – well… most.

The thought of pooping yourself in labour and birth is by far the most reported horror I hear from pregnant women. No one wants an audience attending a bowel movement. The truth is, though, it’s natural and standard.
In days gone by, women had an enema before going into labour.  This was eliminated (pun not intended) long ago.  Today, it’s just expected that in the second stage, your poop will evacuate by itself.  Good news for the modest –  your midwife, totally unfazed, will whisk this sucker away with very few notices.  High-five a midwife today!

  • Some women eat their placenta

Yep, some eat it (stir-fry style), some encapsulate it. True story.  I later learned there are recipes everywhere for this.
Interestingly, this was one of the first things I needed to understand as a doula, and I have to admit, I wondered what sort of coven I had joined.
With it being an age-old tradition in many cultures, placental encapsulation is growing in popularity in Australia.  Although the jury is still out regarding its benefits, recent research suggests that consuming your placenta can help fight against post-natal depression.  Either way, we know it’s rich in iron and protein 🙂

  • For some women, a doula is their only support

Many mothers embark upon labour to birth or parenting solo, but the birth where the dad got drunk and didn’t turn up was a low-light, to say the least.

I must have called him 20 times from that birth suite.  He never picked up his phone.  I then contacted a friend of the mum’s to go and visit his home.  He never answered the door.  Apparently, they had a domestic the night before which launched him onto a bender.

See: Hormones – happy, hippy and horrid.  It is a doula’s mission to create an adrenaline-free zone for the first stage of labour.

  • Some women have had a traumatic previous birth

These could be women who were poorly supported or educated during their first birth. Perhaps their birth took a different course than expected. There is also the less-common scenario of our dear mum-friends who give birth to a still-born baby or who lose their babies shortly after birth. There are many reasons why a mother might experience birth-related trauma, and a doula is there to provide emotional stability.

  • Sometimes dad needs a break

All dads need to be given a ‘hall pass’ at some point.  No, I’m not advocating that they go out and cheat on their birthing wives!  Rather, they may need a moment to step out to pee or take a quick ‘breather’.  Our partners might need this for their own mental health, but it will also benefit mums.  Give him a break so he can be the best support he can be.

I was accompanying one couple through their first delivery where dad had a ‘gastro bug’.  Poor fella had to leave the room swiftly several times to deal with his bodily interruptions.  The interesting thing was that he developed a ‘gastro bug’ at each of his wife’s labours.

You got it.  This wasn’t gastro at all, was it?  Here was a dad genuinely overwhelmed by the magnitude of each occasion, he just needed to be able to take a break.

Men typically get a bad rap when it comes to childbirth, but their presence is critical to making their partner’s birth as calm and comfortable as possible.  Dad is often the only one who can do this.  Let’s not forget that the birth experience must be positive for him as well.

  • The power and wonder of birth is undeniable

Birth is a total show-stopper.  There’s nothing else like it, and I am constantly astounded by what a woman can achieve.  It’s often a split personality-like combination of exhilaration, invigoration, astonishment, and complete exhaustion. Nonetheless, we birth life from our form, and that is cool.

Mums often talk about their bodies post-birth with a new-found respect and admiration far beyond what they imagined, and rightfully so.

I will never cease to be amazed or fascinated by childbirth, and there are no words that can adequately describe or fully express the entire experience or what I glean from it.

In any case, it’s not even my experience; it’s yours. I’m just a doula who is the fortunate (and hopefully helpful) bystander.


LUCY HERCUS
Mum of six fabulous kids and foster mum to numerous others. Event manager, doula, childbirth educator, lactation counsellor, owner of Sydney Birth Support, Mamaway Advocate and an encourager of all mums out there giving it their best crack!

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